The Sporting Life

LSU fans, get ready

It appears there's a chance that Auburn fans will take a road trip in 2009 worse than the one they brave every other year in Baton Rouge. So you'd better start gathering your tallest urine cups and thickest whiskey bottles now if you're going to retain your title as least-hospitable fans in the eyes of your Tiger brethren four years from now.  (Hat tip: EDSBS.)

The Truman show: Judging by the reviews listed on moviefone.com, Capote is certainly worth enduring the 25 minutes of commercials and 20 minutes of previews that precede films at theaters these days. KCRW's The Treatment has an interview with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

About a reluctant boy: I've yet to read Nick Hornby's latest, as I waited to find it used (which I did last weekend). If you enjoy his work, then you may be unaware (as I was) that a short story of his was a part of an episode of This American Life in August. "Small Fish, Smaller Pond" begins shortly after the 32-minute mark.

Peaches and Sugar: The Georgia Dome will play host to not only the Peach Bowl but also the Sugar Bowl, according to the AJC's Tony Barnhart. What a relief for you Bama fans that you'll be in Pasadena and not making two boring trips to Atlanta, huh?

Finger-lickin' good: If you were graduated from Auburn, Alabama, Georgia or Florida State and now live in the Atlanta metro area, you'll welcome this news: Guthrie's of Dunwoody is expected to open later this month.

Is nothing sacred? I'm a nerd when it comes to advertising, but even I object to the use of Babe Ruth imagery to pitch Bud Light.

Astros wild again

A friend of mine was in town for the weekend, so I didn't see any of the Astros' series vs. the Cubs. While traveling the roads of North Georgia yesterday, I could've scanned the radio in the truck for a sports talk station within range to get a score update. But I decided I didn't want to get the news from some guy reading the puns he invented to report the sports headlines on a Sunday afternoon.

Not until I got home, opened Firefox and saw the mini-headline beneath the Red Sox' story did I know the Astros, once again, had secured the wild-card spot on the final day of the season.

I'd love to defeat the Braves again and get another shot at the Cardinals to see whether we can finally make the World Series. But I'm realistic. As an Astros fan, I should simply be thankful we're in the postseason. After all, this is last year's team plus Andy Pettitte — but minus Jeff Kent and Carlos Beltran.

Off the shelves: The place where I buy used books never disappoints. On Saturday, I found hardcover copies of Everything Is Illuminated, A Long Way Down and Hello to All That for $6 apiece and a paperback of In Cold Blood for $3.

Here and there

Random comments on life and links found online

• "Business casual" is interpreted so liberally by my fellow employees that I've begun taking bets on when someone will show up in only a thong. I've seen people arrive at work in pajama bottoms and house slippers. My former boss swears to me that a punk woman once showed up wearing jeans with "F**k" written on her right knee and "You" written on the other in ballpoint ink. It was only a coincidence that the CEO's quarterly meeting was the same day. So it's rare for attire to surprise me any longer. But this morning I entered the building at the same time as a guy wearing low-riding jeans and a sleeveless, fitted T-shirt. Maybe he drove here directly from Jungle.
• Nice try, Georgia: Bulldogs develop fiendish plot in hopes of putting Boise State on probation. In future news ... Gamecocks face bowl ban, scholarship limitations after NCAA discovers kidney donor to father of South Carolina football player is Clemson alum.
• You chop off your hair and take a Greyhound across the country to bail on your wedding. A nationwide manhunt ensues. When you finally call home, you claim you were kidnapped by minorities. Your punishment for lying to police includes mowing grass — and news outlets both national and local consider it so important they cover it with not only a story but also photos. What's the old phrase? "They will take us over without firing a single shot"? Sounds about right.
• New Indymedia reality series "Scripting the Dictator" continues.
• Tired of Terrell? Palmeiro played out? Frank Deford reminds us of one of pro sports' most likable legends.
• Guantanamo interrogators put up their "Dukes." Apparently "Not Another Teen Movie" and "View from the Top" weren't working. Kenneth Turan goes a little easier on it, simply calling it a "cosmic void where a movie's supposed to be."
• Pfffft. Typical Auburn. Trying to pad its always-easy schedule with another I-AA creampuff.
• "Uh, well ... Bush is Hitler! No blood for oil! Yeah."
• You got a book published. You picked up a gig as a columnist. Now you're the lead character in an upcoming movie. You lucky bastard.
• Donald Trump is to Amarosa as Morgan Spurlock is to _______.
• I have to admit I, too, feel as if I'm loading an 8-track whenever I have to fax something.

Last night I did something I’m really going to regret when I’m driving back from Anniston, Ala., at some ungodly hour tonight: I stayed up until 2 a.m. finishing a book I bought Saturday at my secret goldmine for used books to which I’ve alluded in previous posts.(The reason for this evening’s midweek journey to East Alabama is for another day.)

It was Major Conflict: One Gay Man’s Life in the Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell Military by Jeffrey McGowan. If I'm not completely exhausted when I get home tonight, I'll try to write about it.

• McGowan interviewed on St. Louis' KMOX radio
• McGowan interviewed on Central Massachusetts' WICN radio

Reynolds Price gives the keynote address at the Conference on Southern Literature Friday,
April 1.

Drawled scrawls

Southern writers share stories, discuss craft
at biennial conference in Chattanooga

God and heat.

Are there any greater common denominators for Southerners than these two? Whether you've relocated to Montreal or renounced the fire-and-brimstone faith of your childhood, at some point in your life you're wrestled with each one of them if you call Dixie home.

That's why I had to wonder whether the lack of air conditioning on the opening day of the Conference on Southern Literature was intentional. What better way to unite young and old, conservative and liberal and reader and writer than by creating an atmosphere that would harken back to the shared experience of a summertime revival? Not since my teen-age years had I seen so many programs converted into handheld fans.

I wish only that we could convene in Chattanooga every year rather than every two. To me, the panel discussions are worth the entire conference. I could listen to these writers tell stories and talk about their craft all day.

My favorite reading of the weekend: Ron Rash's excerpt from One Foot in Eden and his poem "Three AM and the Stars Were Out." I don't think I was alone in my feeling, either, as every copy of every book by Rash that had been offered for sale was gone within that afternoon.

A few anecdotes, off the top of my head:

Josephine Humphreys said, shortly before her first novel was published, she ran into an old friend at the grocery store who asked her if the rumors were true that she'd written a book that would be out soon. Yes, Humphreys said, she had. So the friend asked: Is there any sex in it? Yes, but not very much, Humphreys answered. Good, good — I'll have to read it, the friend responded. But Humphreys said again, there really isn't much sex in it. That's OK, the friend answered. The fact that it's in there lets us know that you "did it"!

Allan Gurganus told of a 12-year-old Mexican immigrant named Diego who mows his yard as well as the yards of several other writers who reside in Chapel Hill. Gurganus one day saw the young man filming himself after he had mowed his property. It turned out that the boy was filming himself at each of the closely manicured lawns, in an effort to create a video for his grandmother back in Mexico, to show her the "extravagant life" he's living in the United States. Gurganus said he looks forward to the first novel 30 years or so from now by a Hispanic Southerner.

Just prior to the release of one of her novels, Kaye Gibbons called her local Barnes & Noble and identified herself as someone in charge of a local book club, curious whether they had ordered enough copies to supply all of this fictitious club's members. And then Gibbons realized the place could have caller ID. But the woman seemed to suspect nothing. She told Gibbons that 12 copies of the new book had been ordered. "Only 12?" Gibbons asked. "Well, honey, she's not James Patterson," the woman replied.

Dorothy Allison teaches a free writing workshop for working-class writers. Her only requirement for admission to the class: an essay explaining what makes you working class. One prospective student had argued that she's working class because she's denied access to her inheritance until she's 30.

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Your turn
· What book have you most recently read, and what did you think of it?
· Who, if any, are your favorite writers?
· Do you read more fiction or nonfiction?

Misc. (from train wrecks to the evils of Fannie Flagg)

Look out, Anna Nicole and Liza. Someone's looking to make a name for himself in the battle for the title of America's biggest train wreck with money: Jack Whittaker.

After spotlighting Whittaker about 10 weeks ago, I find on CNN.com today that he's made headlines once again. For some reason, he didn't take my advice about finding a team of financial advisors, as he's still carrying around boatloads of cash — this time to the tune of $117,000.

He at least has found a way to make things even more interesting. He was armed.

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Larry Brown, the Southern writer whose novel (and life) was the inspiration for 2002’s Big Bad Love starring Debra Winger, died from a heart attack Nov. 24. He was 53.

• New York Times obituary
• Bio from Mississippi Writers Page
• 'Locals remember acclaimed writer'

(Hat tip: Southern Appeal.)

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To the Honorable Rep. Gerald Allen:

I didn’t read Breakfast at Tiffany’s or The Promise of Rest until after I was graduated from one of Alabama's institutions of higher learning. And I’ve never read Fried Green Tomatoes, so I had no idea the movie was based on a story about two lesbians until someone told me (again, after college).

I’m embarrassed to also admit I’ve never read The Picture of Dorian Gray or anything else penned by Oscar Wilde and never seen Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

However, I did see Biloxi Blues at the UPC free movie when I was a freshman at Auburn. Thanks to your efforts, I today had an epiphany: That one moviegoing experience is likely to blame as the seminal moment I was brainwashed by The Agenda™.

I want to express my strongest gratitude for the stand you’ve chosen to take that will no doubt help Alabama solve its education woes, clarify its unwieldy constitution, initiate tax reform and spark economic development. I'm hoping your hard work in Montgomery will prevent other Alabama natives from falling prey to The Agenda™ and will assist them to, instead, represent our state honorably.

Short yardage

Give us a playoff, already
For the BCS title game, all hell will break loose if a team with a tough schedule and one loss is passed over for an undefeated team with a soft schedule, according to Lee Corso. He made his remarks during a discussion about the decision to eliminate strength of schedule/quality opponents as a factor for determining who competes for the national championship in January 2005.

I’m sure the ol’ ball coach didn’t mean to do so, but he phrased it in such a way that it sounded as if he believed it had never previously happened. Off the top of my head, I’m reminded of undefeated BYU playing for (and winning) the title at the end of the 1984 season and undefeated West Virginia facing Notre Dame to close the 1988 season. Neither of those teams should’ve been in such a position.

Granted, those instances weren’t specifically spelled out as national title games as the one given to us today in the BCS. But let it never be implied that alumni and fans would be surprised to see a school playing for or winning the national title that doesn’t deserve it.

Some of us understand all too well.

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Oh, Fortuna! Ferrell?
Sometimes I devour fiction, and sometimes I pick at it, in no hurry to finish and enjoying every morsel.

I’m still slowly working my way through That Old Ace in the Hole by Annie Proulx, Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole and Black Bird by Michel Basilieres.

I’m glad I finally got around to reading Toole’s Pulitzer Prize winner, especially because I’m working my way through it before Will Ferrell plays Ignatius. I just can’t see him in the role. It appears I’m not alone.

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Continental divide
Inspired by Tony Bennett, K.D. Lang compiled Hymns of the 49th Parallel in hopes of establishing a Canadian songbook, she explained in an interview with Scott Simon on Weekend Edition Saturday.

Reviews of the album have been mixed, but I think it’s, for the lack of a better way to say it, a beautiful, mature work. Studio performances this morning of “Helpless,” “Bird on a Wire” and “Simple” further cemented my feelings that she successfully assembled a collection of timeless songs.

Some of the imagery does remind me of nature’s strong presence in Canada. Douglas Coupland in Souvenir of Canada: “Canada (at least the inhabited part) is a skinny Chile-like entity that stretches across the continent. To the north, for millions of square kilometers, lies nothingness, and this vast space looms large in the Canadian mind … In Canada, you simply cannot ignore the wilderness — and all Canadians have a story of an encounter with it. The encounters are unique, yet they bind us together.”