Bear with me, the Iron Bowl is here

As kickoff approaches for the Iron Bowl today, it’s important to take time out to remember those less fortunate — those who battle daily with the silent killer known as Bear’s Syndrome.

Volunteers across the South and throughout the country continue to devote time and energy to fight this debilitating illness. People can face their fears, face the truth and begin a life not mired in the distant past.


I’m unfamiliar with Bear’s Syndrome. What causes it? What are its effects?
Most sufferers of Bear’s Syndrome developed the disorder as a result of residency in the state of Alabama in the 1960s and 1970s. The illness exhibits itself through dementia and an individual's overall inability to grasp reality.

Sufferers are essentially frozen in time, trapped in an era 25 years past, when mesh caps weren’t worn ironically and Birmingham’s Legion Field was, amazingly, considered a neutral site by everyone, save a minority faction of the Heart of Dixie.

How do I determine whether I am, or someone I love is, afflicted with Bear’s Syndrome?

• Do you feel faint or suffer shortness of breath when the name Albert Means is mentioned?
• Do you believe the introduction of scholarship limitations was a Communist plot?
• Do you believe the number 12 (or even 21) represents any of the numbers 6 through 9?
• Are you prone to bouts of rage when you see Phillip Fulmer or eat pumpkin-based food products?
• Do you believe this is the year 1979?
• Do you insist to friends and family that Dennis Franchione is dead or retired rather than on the sidelines at another institution of higher learning?
• Do you no longer enjoy watching exotic dancers and, instead, find your fists clinched or your stomach knotted when in the vicinity of a strip club?
• Do you believe the words “Vanderbilt” and “rival” as well as “tradition” and “victories” are synonymous?
• Do you believe your allegiance, if only partial, to a particular football team makes you a better person than someone else?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you could have Bear’s Syndrome. A medical professional, or most people outside the state of Alabama with a basic knowledge of 21st century college football, can provide counsel.

Is anyone susceptible to Bear’s Syndrome?
Yes. But there are high-risk groups: (1) Anyone who resided in Alabama in the 1960s or 1970s for at least two or three football seasons; (2) anyone who resided in Georgia in the 1960s, 1970s or 1980s who owns anything adorned with a red Green Bay Packers logo; (3) any previous or current resident of Tennessee in whom Johnny Majors inadvertently caused feelings of inferiority; and (4) Keith Jackson.

Why the houndstooth pattern for the Bear’s Syndrome ribbon? Why not red, pink or yellow?
Little is really known about the intial carrier, or "Patient Zero," because media reports of the time not only shielded him but also perpetuated his inexplicable godlike status. Researchers do know he spent time in Kentucky and Texas before settling in Alabama, where the disorder first arose. But they have yet to determine whether his penchant for Jack Daniels played a role in the disease becoming contagious.  However, video footage and photographs do confirm that Patient Zero habitually wore a hat with a houndstooth fabric pattern.

What can I do to help?
Tens of thousands could be spared through education, prevention and “tough love.” You can make a difference. And all it takes is a willingness to meet the illness head on, one at a time.

If you see anyone, anywhere, anytime wearing a shirt that reads "Got Twelve?", be willing to stop them, hug them and answer, "No, I don't. But you don't, either. Will you allow me to help?"

Comments

[Ben]

Roll Tide Roll... I mean...umm...go Tigers!