Welcome, Sweet Sixteeners

This weekend, fans from Xavier, Illinois, Duke and Texas will converge in Atlanta in hope of leaving town Sunday evening with a spot in the Final Four. I thought I’d give visitors a useful guide to downtown, since most of them will likely stay within walking distance of the Georgia Dome.

Things to see/do, for first-time visitors:

(1) Eat a couple of Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuits for breakfast at the CNN Center food court.
(2) Spend an hour taking the CNN tour.
(3) Walk around Centennial Olympic Park for about 30 minutes, reading commemorative bricks, admiring the fountains and fending off the occasional con-artist and aggressive homeless person.
(4) Eat a bison burger at Ted’s Montana Grill, one of the restaurants of the chain started by former cable TV mogul Ted Turner.
(5) Walk to Peachtree Street and realize the Hard Rock Café is like every other Hard Rock Café. Across the street, examine the traces of the phrase “Planet Hollywood” on the building that once housed the doomed-from-inception restaurant.
(6) Tour the Children’s Museum of Atlanta, if you happened to see it while strolling around Centennial Olympic Park.
(7) Return to CNN Center and ask someone if there’s anything else to do. After they’ve mentioned the CNN tour, Centennial Olympic Park and the Children’s Museum, stop them when they mention the World of Coca-Cola and ask how far away it is.
(8) Walk to the World of Coca-Cola and take the tour, again rejecting would-be hustlers who realize you’re a tourist, in your burnt-orange T-shirt with a cattle logo on the front.
(9) Return to CNN Center. Browse at Waldenbooks and wander aimlessly around the food court and Centennial Park after discovering there’s nothing to do in downtown Atlanta. Keep eating.

Things to see/do if you’re a repeat visitor with spare cash who did his or her homework online at AOL cityguide:

 · Take a cab or rental car to places you’ve picked out in Midtown, Buckhead, East Atlanta and Virginia Highlands.
 · Take a cab or rental car to Piedmont Park or even Six Flags over Georgia.

Things to see/do if you’re a repeat visitor with a tight budget or no desire to venture far from the Georgia Dome:

 · Watch TV or surf the ‘Net in your hotel room.
 · Read a book in Centennial Park.
 · Return to your hotel room to read a book when harassment from guys who “ran out of gas a couple of blocks away and just need a couple of dollars to get home” grows tiresome.
 · Offer to drive hustlers to get gas for their alleged gas-deficient car and watch them freak out or get pissed.
 · Learn that an aquarium is being constructed on the opposite end of Centennial Park and inquire about the location of the nearest large body of water, including navigable rivers.
 · Ask locals how long their commute is. You and a friend can make it interesting by placing wagers on the time before asking.
 · Get on a MARTA train and wonder in amazement at the limits of its reach in a city of multiple millions of people.